So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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