I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
