Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
