so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
