Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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