can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
