i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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