k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
