i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
dude. I can hear the air.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
