The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
