just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
