so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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