Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
