If i come over, it means nothing
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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