She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
