two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
