I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
