Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
