im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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