i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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