Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
