He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
