We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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