i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
