I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
