I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
