The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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