I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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