I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
All I want is dick and wine.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
