What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
