Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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