I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
