hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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