i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
