After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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