I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
