you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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