wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
