PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
