You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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