Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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