So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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