As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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