someone threw a dead crab at me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
