Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
