so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so let's talk penis.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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