apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
