So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
