By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
