why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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