You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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