Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
