you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
