i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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