Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
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DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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