new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
