I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
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