normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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