We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
