He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
