I'm laying in your front yard are you home
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
