he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
