I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
