I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
