I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
