i just wanna soil my oats bro
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
