Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
