I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
