Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
