I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
