DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
