You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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