I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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