We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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