is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
