just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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