Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I party with great urgency now.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
