i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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