so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
