PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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