I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
