just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
